“The main route for me to survive is for the two individuals I cherish the most incredible.” I composed those words, I was not able anticipate a future without the unlimited requests of caregiving. Amidst the colossal exercise in careful control that is the parental figure’s world, another sort of life appears to be inconceivable. Furthermore, when it is over (YES, caregiving ends), there are new difficulties in finding an existence not devoured by your adored one’s ailment.
Alternate routes proliferate for melancholy, hatred, forlornness and despondency. At long last, there come minutes—hours and afterward days, and finally, weeks and months—when the anxiety of those years does not command my life. There is no set in stone way—every trip is personal. I just recommend a couple of rules to adjust as your own.
FIND YOUR OWN WAY TO GRIEVE
The overwhelming feeling of most caregivers in the initial stage of loss is not grief, but relief. For caregivers of someone with memory issues, relief will often trump grief. The person you once knew has been fading away for several years. With illnesses such as stroke or cancer, there is relief that the physical suffering is over, mixed with your loss. Most approaches to grief counseling don’t cover the unique feelings that come after years of caregiving.
I did not find it particularly useful, although a few of the books did offer helpful nuggets of advice. But then, so was lying on the couch in a semi-catatonic state for hours on end, although after a while that did get boring. It helps to not add guilt over feelings of relief to the grieving process. Eventually the pain of grief abates. Here are my suggestions to help the process:
- Write in a journal
- Talk with friends
- Go to a support group
- See a counselor
- Find solace in your faith
- Cry as you need to
Grief, however, does not vanish. Occasionally, without warning, like an errant wave, the pain of loss will tromp you.
REGAIN YOUR HEALTH
Your body has most likely paid a price for your turn at caregiving. Now is the time to put YOU at the top of the priority list. No one with any real-world experience will deny what the researchers have well documented: long-term caring for a person with serious illness is a source of chronic stress, which is not good for your health.
No need to attack everything at once. I set small goals for weight loss and a moderate increase in exercise. Each success fueled my ability to be more active and take on a new challenge, such as volunteering at a local museum. In turn, feeling healthier gave me enough energy to do what is truly healing: engage with my community, develop new interests and friends, and spend time with people who care about you.
BUILD A NEW NORMAL
Building a life with meaning and relationships is the challenge faced by each person after caregiving. Accept that it will not be the life you enjoyed before the illness. You are changed in some ways.
While not faced with reconstructing your life, you should pay more attention to your own needs. Take the time to make these decisions with care. Focus on what you want and need, not others’ expectations.
To re-engage with life, ask yourself what would:
- Offer a new challenge?
- Make a contribution with the new skills I acquired?
- Not ask too much of me at the beginning?
- Help me to meet new people?
- Be fun?
Eventually, day-by-day and step-by-step, a new normal will emerge. The experience of caregiving will always be a part of who you are, but the experience needn’t define your future.
Article Source: http://caregiver.com/articles/caregiver/life_after_caregiving.htm