Talking To Your Parents About Aging
Talking with your parents about aging can be a difficult conversation. While aging is a
natural part of life, many people struggle to embrace this candidly. Activities of daily
living may become more challenging to manage, and you may notice things take a little
longer for them to complete. Other notable signs of behavior can be:
● Personal appearance or clothing may need care
● The house is dirty, more cluttered, or in disrepair
● Participation in once-normal activities may have lessened or stopped
● More forgetful or confused
● Missed medications
● Other signs of self-neglect
A combination of the above may indicate they are struggling. And, they may not want to
say anything for fear of becoming an imposition or, they haven’t yet realized their need
for help. The truth is they do need you, and they need your help.
If a combination of the above is becoming the norm, opening the conversation about
assistance and safety is crucial to avoid potential injury or damage. And while this is a
sensitive topic that may not be accepted well, your parent may be relieved to speak
openly about their well-being and care.
Conversation Tips
Before having the conversation consider giving thought to what you’ll say:
● Make notes to remember everything you want to address (medical, legal, safety,
transportation, etc.)
● Take your time with this conversation, and schedule plenty of time for everyone
to be heard.
● Include the four pillars of health: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual
well-being.
● Empower your parents to be part of the plan – this usually provides less
resistance and more cooperation with decisions.
● Empathize with the changes they’re experiencing.
● Explore alternative options together if necessary.
Selecting You As A Caregiver
While your parents may be more open to having you as their caregiver, there may be
feelings of guilt or embarrassment. Remember, they cared for you for many years and
probably never stopped worrying about you. This arrangement will be a complete role
reversal for them and may take time to adjust. Be respectful and make every effort to
understand their feelings.
Make It A Family Affair
Having adult or older siblings in attendance can be beneficial. It creates an environment
of emotional support for both you and your parents and will allow everyone to hear how
your parents feel about this plan. Communication can be key among grown children
when a parent experiences health concerns.
Another consideration is caregiver burnout. Sometimes, you’ll need to step away for
your own needs, and sharing the responsibility with siblings can be beneficial. In
addition, having family members help with transportation, cooking, laundry, etc., can lift
some of the load from you.
Socialization and light stimulation are so important to the aging population. Engaging in
conversation, taking a walk with someone, playing a game, and so on helps to keep
people emotionally connected and their minds busy. If mobility is sound, the more
activity they can engage in, the better. (But always consult their healthcare provider
first.)
Planning Ahead
Discussing their wishes for care in advance may be an excellent way to go if your
parents are still independent. It introduces the topic, giving adequate discussion and
planning time. It also plants a seed that encourages them to think about their aging and
the necessary changes that will be needed. (Chances are, they may have been in your
position with their parents!