Being friends with someone who is suffering from depression can strain your relationship and bring you down. Here are ways you can help and stay connected, while also establishing healthy boundaries.
When a friend suffers from depression, it can strain your relationship. You may even get to the point where you feel as though your friend is dragging you down with her. “Emotions are contagious,” says Linda Sapadin, Ph.D., a psychologist in Valley Stream, N.Y., who specializes in overcoming self-defeating patterns of behavior. It’s not always easy dealing with a friend who is depressed, especially if the depression is severe. But you can help your friend and provide support without overextending yourself. Here’s how:
Be realistic. Depression is a very serious mental health issue. Someone who is depressed isn’t just sad or down. Your friend can feel anxious, hopeless, and helpless — negative feelings that just don’t go away. Don’t tell your friend to “snap out of it” or “get over it”. That’s not possible. You will set yourself up for frustration if you expect her to feel better just because you say so. Recovery from depression takes time.
Be a good listener. Let your friend talk to you about his feelings, but don’t let him continuously wallow in self-pity. Going on and on about depression can make him even more depressed. Listen to what he has to say, but set boundaries.If your friend wants to talk constantly about depression, say you’ll listen but only for 10 to 15 minutes or however long you think is reasonable. Keep an eye on the clock and don’t let your friend bully you into more. “Say, ‘We’ve spoken about this for a while. Life is about more than this. It’s time to move on,’” Sapadin advises.
Suggest distractions. Call your friend and suggest you do something together that’s enjoyable, like going to a funny movie or out to eat, Sapadin says. It may take your friend’s mind off the troubles causing the depression for only a few hours. But since emotions are contagious, it can bring you both up, she says.
Offer your help. If you’re willing to help, ask your friend what you can do for her, like grocery shopping or prepare meals. Again, set boundaries. If you think your friend is asking too much of you, let her know and don’t go beyond what you’re comfortable with because you feel sorry for her. That doesn’t help your friend, and you could end up resenting each other. You may suggest something your friend can do for you as well. Remind your friend that friendship is a two-way street.
Do your own thing. Your friend’s depression may require you to go out of your way to help out now and then. But don’t let his depression stop you from keeping your appointments and going out with other friends. You’re not being selfish– you’re just looking out for your own mental health. If your friend reneges on plans you had for a trip to the museum or to see a movie because he’s depressed, find someone else who will go with you.
Encourage your friend to stick with mental health treatment. As much as you may like to, you can’t be the therapist. Remind your friend that the right treatment and therapy is the way to get his life back. “If you see a good article on depression, email it to your friend and say, ‘I hope this is helpful,’” Sapadin says. If possible, offer to help your friend get to therapy appointments.
Take stock of your friendship. “Recognize if you’re being helpful, and if you are, continue what you’re doing,” Sapadin says. “It will feel good to you too.” But if the relationship with your depressed friend is sapping you, step away. Take a break for a while. “If you’re drained by your relationship, you could be two people going down the cliff together,” she warns. And that won’t help either of you.
Originally Written By:
Beth W. Orenstein
Source:
https://www.everydayhealth.com/depression/what-to-do-when-a-friend-is-depressed.aspx